Over three separate occasions this week people have used the word failure, for, what I would consider, a change of plan or outcome, a doomsday premonition of something that has not yet happened and a statement more about the concept of perception, along the lines of ‘if it is not going to be perfect there is no point!’.
It was interesting to see my own response and how it has changed over the years. However, it was also interesting to notice that whilst I may not always be so vocal, I still certainly suffer from limiting myself due to a perceived failure or lack of perfection. It made me smile! What a great opportunity to take stock of those things I have been holding back on subconsciously because of fear of other responses, getting it wrong or making an idiot of myself. The truth is, who cares!
As we get older we become far too concerned with not knowing everything, upsetting someone, looking stupid, getting things wrong, and generally have such a strong desire to please everyone all the time that we end up holding back from our own potential and limiting our own happiness.
It is hard to say when this changes, but if we think back to children, they have none of these inhibitions and just get on with life. Look at the toddler who learns to walk, they will fall down hundreds of times, will wobble and stagger, lurching from the grip of the sofa to a familiar person as they go. They pick up bumps and scrapes along the way, they get tired and frustrated and take rest when they need it, but one thing for sure is that they never give up!
So why do we? Where does this fear come from? It certainly does not impact all of us in the same way, and if we can learn these restrictions, we can also unlearn them and move on.
I recently led a workshop and one of the topics we talked about was letting go of the outcome. It is so important to have a goal, it helps you focus, get specific and break things down into manageable chunks. However, if your desired result is set in stone, your pathway is unrealistic, or life takes an unexpected turn, and you can’t achieve it, the results can be debilitating. Goals are vital but your perception of the outcome is even more so. If you are actively moving forward, then you are progressing and progress beats progression any day.
Working on the basis that you can please everyone, will get you nowhere! I am not, nor will I ever be, for everyone, just like not everyone is my kind of person, and that is ok. In fact, that is more than ok, it is necessary to keep things diverse and interesting. How dull would it be if everything were the same?
Of course, I would love for this blog to be the one that nails it, gets me thousands of followers and cements my name in history, but I am under no illusions that will not be the case. It will resonate with some, not with others, it is probably not grammatically correct and not as articulate as it sounds in my head. I have worried about the order it is written in, the tense and language I use, whether there is too much of ‘I’ in there. However, I am not writing for the Pulitzer, I am writing because I feel I have something to share that may resonate or inspire someone, or leave a seed of thought, and if it does that for one person, then I am happy. Even if it doesn’t reach that one person, I have spoken my truth and feel better for it. That is not a failure!
I am a work in progress, constantly learning and growing, we all are, accepting and understanding that is key. Of course, there are people who are experts in their fields and deserve to be labelled as such, but it does well to remember that they were not always so, and will still have so much more to learn, and often the way to become an expert is to keep doing something, picking ourselves up when we have made mistakes, learning from them and trying again. Allowing doubt to hold us back not only means we not only stunt our own development, but we can be missing out on so many possibilities. As Richard Branson once said, ‘If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes-then learn how to do it later!’ He has had some epic failures over the course of his career, very public ones. It is his willingness to try something and then learn from its failures that means he is still hugely successful.
So, ask yourself, what does failure mean to you? Look at the events in your life that you are deeming to be a failure and ask yourself, what about them makes them a failure? What lessons can you take from the situation? Did it really fail, or did it just end up looking/being different to how you hoped? Was there progress amongst the failing? Also look at the things you have missed out on because you were scared to fail at them.
By letting go of the illusion of perfection we allow ourselves to ‘fail’ more often, and if we can change our perception of failing into one of learning, the opportunities can be endless.